Thank you all for your kind welcome and reassuring messages. I have indeed set the ball rolling, in fact having just contacted the NSPCC, so i can hopefully get my files from them, im not expecting miracles, but i look forward to the day that both files arrive from the NSPCC and Action for Children, a closure, im not sure, but i live in hope.
A question i would like to ask from fellow members is this, As i was deprived love and affection prior to and in care, it has had a lasting affect on me all my life since, do you find it easy to accept love and affection as well as give it?. All the NCH seemed to do to me, was alienate me to lots of things in life, not a strict regime, but more of a stereotype one, im not sure if that describes it, but with a fear factor built in.
I was scared to fall out of favour, as having 3 sisters to "Guardian" over so to speak, i was scared they would split us up.
I also find that what they "build/bully" into you is not always for the best. I am so independent even today, where i can turn my hand to most things, sewing included, but not knitting, indeed, my sister said to me, "you only need a woman for 1 thing", cold and crude i know, but thats how i come over.
As time goes on, i will let you know when i get my records, and what effect they have on me.
This is my only opportunity to open up with my feelings, some angry ones, some good ones. I am not even sure i want the wife to see what i have printed here, as i believe there is a stigma attached to you "being in care", and "why you were there", can anyone relate to that?.
I have bottled all this up inside me for about 45 years, enough to make me want to cry and scream,and hit a wall, its so frustrating, i can only think society got it wrong with me as to how i "thought" life should be.
But life goes on, i have a wonderful boy who i adore immensly,i show him, or try to give him the love i never had. So my next step is the files, so watch this space!.
I asked earlier for friends i knew at May Lodge, Scarborough, whos names were as follows..
Barry,Malcolm, and anne T....n..they were older than me, anne being about 16/17 in 1969
Peter and Michael B...s...from Stoke,,,Peter was my age, Michael a few years younger
Terry H....e and his sister from Darlington...Terry was about my age
Susan M....y...dont know her home town...but approx my age
Judith H..g...my age...no home town
Kevin R........n and his brother Bernard no home town
More names will spring to mind, so once again people, thank you for the welcome to the happy family , so to speak...