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#61 [url]

Feb 8 13 5:48 PM

Me? im still ashamed at 64 but i have a right to be, i was at Danesford in congleton Cheshire,,it was an approved school! There, that is the first time iv ever said that to anyone with the exception of my wife and even now i hide behind a keyboard to do it.
I was taken in to care on the orders of the local magistrates as i refused to go to school, ran wild and got into all sorts of mischief and led my poor mother a dogs life.My father had abandoned us years before and i was out of control.
Some members say they had to fill gaps in there childhood to cover the time they were in the home, i still do it now after all these years. Whose fault was it that things got so bad? We live in a time of "blame" it was someones fault. yes it was mine, even as a child i knew right from wrong and chose to do wrong because i could, no other reason.
My claim to fame is that i have two grown up sons who are as honest and decent as the day is long and i thank my childhood for that, they were always guided by me to do the right thing,never to take what wasnt theres
Shame for me is still here though, i could have been so much more than i am.

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#62 [url]

Feb 8 13 6:32 PM

WOW !!!...You made it!...BE PROUD! I could add so much to this, but no need to; you've said it all, except your final line...you're still not happy with who you are....but you have arrived!

Just this week I've got involved in an online discussion elsewhere about St. Vincent's Schools which were Catholic Approved Schools....just thank your lucky stars you went to a Methodist school!

My Mother was ashamed her three children went to an Orphanage..to her dying day 3 yrs ago aged 96, she was sorry & ashamed, despite our reassurances. She used to tell folks we were at Boarding School......

You've made it ok...you can be anything you want to be ! Forgive yourself if that's what you want, but children should only be partly responsible for themselves.

Every good wish to you!! 

Shirley

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#63 [url]

Feb 9 13 8:05 PM

Thanks for that Shirley, at my time of life i should have come to terms by now but for me its not the case.Im not a hand wringing bleeding heart by any stretch of the imagination.I just look back and and wonder, why me? i cannot comment on the "catholic" approved schools but i can well imagine how they dealt with children in their care. I cannot ever remember one occassion at Danesford where any member of staff sat us down and talked to us about why we were there, surely there must have been a gentler way of dealing with wayward kids.Love and affection certainly didnt ever come into it as i recall. Im amazed at some of the stories i read on this forum, of how kiddies were cherished by staff, even at Danesford but it was well after the time i left,what happened?  We were made to feel and believe  we were bad to the core and that stayed with me for a long time. I think thats why i want to see my records, was i really the little sod that i believe i was.
I have vast areas of my childhood that are just blank pages to me and are impossible to recall no matter how hard i try, perhaps now i can get answers. 
Thank you for your kindness Shirley.

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#65 [url]

Feb 22 13 1:32 PM

Hi Jaynendave -( are you a Jayne or a Dave?)

I really really hope that now you've "said it" you can feel better and proud of what you have achieved in life. Parental guidance and role modelling are vital parts of our make up and I do not think you should put blame on yourself at all.
When we enter this world we are for our first moments all equal but circumstances will lead us to our individuality. I think one of the most important ingredients in all of this is to feel "loved" and I guess you didn't. You were rebelling against neglect of one sort or another and perhaps the initial actions taken with you were inappropriate.
But then came NCH and I hope like lots of us you look back with gratitude for the influence they have had on the rest of your life.

The heading of this topic asks the question and I do hope you can say you are proud to be ex NCH.

Warm regards

David

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#67 [url]

Apr 28 13 6:35 PM

I am happy to say I have no hangups about having lived in a NCH. I was in Copeley House at the Princes Alice, The only thing that marred it was that  my brother Douglas Holloway being in a different house to me, he was in Beatrice House but I have a lots of happy memories of the home,
 We were taught good manners and had a good education I did not realize how well off material wise we were there until I left at 13yrs and went to secondary school in Manchester. We were always well dressed and when leaving I had been rigged out in lovely cloths which Sister Ada had taken me  into Birmingham to buy, I was also well spoken and was asked at my new  school to read to the class what I had written both my teachers and school friends that I had made were surprised how happy I had been and they had a different outlook on children who were in the NCH .
I have worked in Social Services within the children's services dept., and met quite a few young people who have not had a happy time being in foster care it makes you wonder which was the right way to look after children who needed help.
Lynnette Singleton (Nee Fendall)

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#68 [url]

May 2 13 5:23 PM

I have told no one I was in care. Because my mum feels bad about letting us down. And has told me she could not look my friends in the eye without feeling ashamed if they knew. So while my mum is alive I keep quite. Maybe when she has passed on I might open up. But to be truthful why should anyone have to know. The past is the past and best forgotten. Except here on this forum I can speak freely about my experience's to like minded people. I myself do not feel ashamed about being in care. Mum & dad were going through a bad patch and then mum got ill and could not cope.
Thankful the NCH were there when we needed help.

Now living in Chelmsford Essex working as a bus driver for FIRST buses and loving it! Been in a relationship for 42years.

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#69 [url]

May 2 13 5:56 PM

Hi Lesley so many of us had similar experiences that you had with parents and food, I hated fat on meat, all pork products except pork pies, all greens except peas, all root vegetables,strangely I liked semolina and tapioca which a lot of kids hated, Sister said she could write what I liked on the back of a postage stamp and the food I hated then I still hate, my parents a waste of space, I have tried to learn from their mistakes, NCH saved my 'bacon'

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#70 [url]

Jun 14 13 2:57 AM

Hi
I was at Princess Alice,i have never been ashamed of being there we were treated very well, and had a lot of things other children didnt have, i can remember at easter we had the biggest easter egg, to share around the house of course, every morning we had a piece to eat on the way to school. Although when i got married i found out that one of my husbands cousins was in the same class as me in school, and although i have seen her several times at weddings and funerals, she will never speak to me, on a few occasions i have spoken to her and she just turned the other way and ignored me, funny thing is after a few years of this i found out she is adopted herself.
all the best Kath

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#71 [url]

Jun 16 13 4:55 PM

Me again, yes Kathpill I can relate to your post. I had a friend at school and it was great. But when I invited her to my birthday party or wanted to meet her on Saturdays just to walk around the town. Her mother refused her to have any thing to do with me because I was a home kid. That really hurt my feelings but my Sister would give me a hug and say I was not a bad person. People seem to think if you where in the NCH you had to have committed a crime or something.

Now living in Chelmsford Essex working as a bus driver for FIRST buses and loving it! Been in a relationship for 42years.

Last Edited By: lesleysolway Jun 18 14 7:50 PM. Edited 1 time.

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#72 [url]

Aug 11 14 4:59 PM

my time at danesford

I arrived at Danesford approved school oct 1962;; allocated house 3 Gordon House, Sister lillian and housemaster Mr ******,within 3mth physical and sexual abuse started Mr ****** the perpetrator, I after approx 18mth moved to woodlands hostel,, i thought great a break from the abuse, but boy was i wrong;; I tried reporting it to the police, they laughed in my faceand  told me not to be a  silly boy and go home; my parents shunned me; Ihave on 3 occasions attempted suicide,each time failed miserably, have undergone physciatric evaluations, have tried counseling for sexual abuse, finaly police investigated my claim;;; all they could find was the school admission date and myregistration nmbr

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#73 [url]

Aug 11 14 7:50 PM

Your Records

It might be worthwhile asking Action For Children (the new name of the NCH) for your records.
Most files on all of us have been saved.
All they need is your name and date of birth, if you can add the date you entered and possibly your number, it will help.
It might take a few months to get your file, as they do get aq lot of requests.
What is in our files an be quite interesting.


--------

The NCH will still have your file, if you would to see it.
Please contact

Action for Children
Business Admin Support Officer
Performance Improvement and Inclusion Division
3 The Boulevard
Ascot Road
Watford WD18 8AG

www.actionforchildren.org.uk/our-services/adoption-fostering-and-children-in-care/records-and-support

THE NCH RECORDS
Since 1869 NCH has cared for tens of thousands of children who spent all or part of their early lives at NCH homes in England, Wales, Canada and Australia.
ACTION FOR CHILDREN (The new name of the NCH)  holds, in the strictest confidence, personal information on most people who lived in an NCH Home.

Who can get access to personal records?
Knowing who you are and where you come from is important to everyone.
NCH has always been happy to share information with anyone who requests it, and because we are committed to openness and recognise the importance of family identity we are very happy for former residents to have access to any personal information we may hold concerning them.
This information is also available to surving relatives of a child that was in care.

www.actionforchildren.org.uk/our-services/adoption-fostering-and-children-in-care/records-and-support


 


Philip

See:
www.theirhistory.co.uk


Last Edited By: philip Aug 11 14 7:52 PM. Edited 1 time.

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